Jeff Haney with the odds on those oddities you won't see on the gridiron

[clevfan]

July 31, 2006

Jeff Haney with the odds on those oddities you won't see on the gridiron

LAS VEGAS SUN

Pro football's annual Hall of Fame Game takes place Sunday in Canton, Ohio, with the Philadelphia Eagles a 3-point favorite against the Oakland Raiders.

The game marks not only the beginning of the NFL preseason but also the unofficial start of the football betting season.

Following are odds on propositions involving preseason football and other forthcoming events in Las Vegas that you won't find on any betting boards ¦

Football


Will you have to listen to someone expound on why they never bet preseason games? ("You'd have to be nuts to bet the preseason. I wait until the regular season to make my bets. That's when you can really predict the outcomes.") Yes: minus-1800 (risk $18 to win $1). No: plus-1250 (win $12.50 for each $1 wagered).


Odds that that person finishes the regular NFL season a net winner betting against the spread: 20-1 against.


Odds that the net profit of Nevada's sports books on football betting this season will number well into the tens of millions of dollars: No wagering accepted. This is too much of a sure thing.


Despite the previous proposition, odds that bookies will bellyache about how sports gamblers are striking it rich at the betting windows each week: No wagering accepted. This one has also been taken off the board because it's too much of a sure thing.


Which words will bookies use when describing the bettors' reign of terror against the casinos?

- killed ("Ah, they killed us this week.") 2-1.

- crushed ("We broke even on Saturday, but they crushed us on Sunday.") 5-2.

- destroyed ("What can I say, we got destroyed again.") 4-1.

- slaughtered, 13-2.

- obliterated, 15-1.

- field (any other word or phrase suggesting violent imagery), 6-5.


Number of readers who will let me know I stink (or worse) after a couple of picks in this column go 0-2 against the spread: over/under 27 1/2.


Number of readers who will send their compliments after a couple of picks go 2-0: over/under 1/2.


Will you have to listen to someone rail against the evils of "touts," or sports handicappers who charge money for their picks? Yes: minus-1200. No: plus-850.


Odds that the gist of their tirade will go like this: "Anybody who would ever call a tout is a complete and utter idiot! So, I called a tout, and here's what happened ¦" Even money.


Will they see the irony in this? Off the board. "No" is too much of a sure thing.


How many bettors will play an early-season four-team football parlay incorporating a Saturday morning game, a Saturday night game, a Sunday morning game and a Sunday night game? Over/under 999 1/2.


Odds they have the slightest idea of how much money they're costing themselves by not betting each game individually and rolling over the profits each time: 9,999-1.

Boxing


Number of fringe heavyweight contenders who will stand up at the postfight "press conference" and challenge the winner of the Aug. 12 Hasim Rahman-Oleg Maskaev bout to a fight: over/under 3 1/2.


Number of accredited "working journalists" who will obtain boxers' autographs on gloves, posters and glossy photos at said "press conference:" over/under 19 1/2.


Number who will obtain an autograph right on their press credential: over/under 11 1/2.


Will they see the irony in getting their press pass signed? No: minus-2400. Yes: plus-1650.

College basketball

Professional gambler Alan Boston, a college basketball handicapping specialist, is approaching Sugar Ray Leonard's record for most retirement announcements. For the past several years, Boston has said each season would be his last in the betting game. Will Boston be back in Las Vegas this season betting college basketball? Yes: minus-190. No: plus-160.