The Bet Box: Invisible Tuna - Low profile in Miami

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Invisible Tuna
Low profile in Miami

By Jim Lazar / The Bet Box | Friday, November 6, 2009
bostonherald.com

He’s now a mystery man. Unseen. Unheard. Maybe even undead.

That’s all one can figure by the clandestine behavior of Bill Parcells. Once so flamboyant, once so quotable, once so omnipresent, once so New England! About the only way anyone outside of Miami knows he’s still in the NFL is that his name is listed next to a job title in the team’s media guide.

Parcells may be at the Stadium At The Mall on Sunday when his Dolphins take on the Patriots. He may not. He definitely won’t be shopping for any groceries at Patriot Place.

What happened to Mr. Bigger Than Life? No longer coaching, no longer visible. Parcells may be glimpsed on TV in a stadium suite, glassed off from society, looking like he’s waiting to order a plate of super nachos with extra jalapenos.

That’s if he is there. Or perhaps he can’t compete with all Miami’s celebrity owners.

Parcells’ trace of existence does come on the field, where a franchise that went six straight years (glorious for Pats fans) without a playoff appearance took the AFC East from the Patriots last season.

Is the Tuna really swimming with the Dolphins? We think he works as executive vice president of football operations. Or maybe, it’s all just an illusion. Maybe all Parcells did was sell his naming rights to Miami.

He’s all a mystery now.

In the Tuna Bowl:

Miami (+10 ½) at Patriots - No surprises this year in Foxboro. No new-fangled Wildcat on the loose. No what the heck hit us! Pats, 34-14.

For amusement only:

Kansas City (+6 ½) at Jacksonville - Gotta love Jags coach Jack Del Rio for honesty: “When you see (us) on film, it is insulting, ugly and embarrassing.” That covers it. Jaguars, 27-24.

Baltimore (-3) at Cincinnati - “Treat us like ’dogs, even at home; we’ll rap on your head, that we’ll condone.” Bengals, 29-22.

Houston (+9) at Indianapolis - The Colts are never, ever gonna lose again. This year. Next year. Into eternity. (Except next week.) Colts, 30-20.

Washington (+10) at Atlanta - The Redskins announced that the assistant secretary to the team dentist will call the plays this week. Falcons, 33-10.

Green Bay (-9 ½) at Tampa Bay - The painful aftereffects of Favre-itis cripple the Pack, who drop dead in Tampa. Buccaneers, 21-20.

Arizona (+3) at Chicago - The Cards are 3-0 on the road and against the spread; the Bears 1-3 at home and against the spread. Just thought you’d like to know. Cardinals, 30-27.

Carolina (+13 ½) at New Orleans - From victory in the Arizona desert to dissection in the Louisiana swamp, the Panthers return to normal behavior. Saints, 34-13.

Detroit (+10) at Seattle - Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck said, “There are some guys here just happy to have a job.” In today’s economy, you can’t blame them. Seahawks, 27-16.

Tennessee (+4) at San Francisco - Vince Young and Alex Smith. That’s a lot of QB investment with absolutely nothing in return. 49ers, 23-17.

Dallas (+3) at Philadelphia - World Series over, the Eagles can’t handle all the attention. Cowboys, 24-14.

San Diego (+4 ½) at N.Y. Giants - The Giants’ streak toward oblivion continues, as their investment in quarterback Eli Manning looks like a Wall Street fiasco. Chargers, 30-19.

Pittsburgh (-3) at Denver - Baffling. Lose one game and the Broncos are underdogs at home. Two feet of snow will even out that line. Broncos, 23-20.

Last week: 4-8-0.

Season: 61-52-1.